Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
