O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
