I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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