This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
