had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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