Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
