Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
These tits shall not be calmed
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
