He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
