pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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