We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
