I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
