Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
