wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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