Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
