I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
