plz talk dirty to me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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