Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
