i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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