Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
