I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
