If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
