So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
