some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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