Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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