We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
