oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
