Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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