Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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