We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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