I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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