Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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