I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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