he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
