so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He? As in you personified your dick?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
