I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
