1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
