Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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