I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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