You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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