Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
As shirtless as possible
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm really busy with my period
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