i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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