your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
