I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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