he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
