....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
