I'm gonna have a badass scar
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
