who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
