I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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