Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
