Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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