The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
