jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
